Oh boy....or girl??

So I notice I've been feeling out of sorts and just a little "off" so I decide to take a HPT for kicks...well the pics of that joke can be seen on the previous blog entry. I actually had to open a HPT pic gallery for the brand I had, guess I just couldn't believe it. So I took a couple and then sent my DH to Wal-mart for a couple store bought ones. Well the picture of one can be viewed to the right. Oh my!!!

So.....we're pregnant!!!!!!! It's only been 10 days since I took those HPT's and I'm still not sure how to feel. I'm excited but as most of you IF ladies can understand, I'm just a tad nervous and a little scared. You try for so long that when it does happen you're in denial.

March 14th 2011 would've marked exactly 3 years of trying. We were given a 5% chance of conceiving on our own if we were lucky. Keep in mind that we only did the BD once on the day of ovulation, no sex 1 week before and 1 week after. To be honest I was actually not even charting, had kind of given up and was preparing for IVF. I was trying to figure out how I could save enough money that we could do 1 IVF cycle in the beginning months of 2012.

Is this really happening? How am I supposed to feel? I'm still in denial and I feel lost at times. I'm afraid to get too happy and it's helped to tell only our Mother's and siblings so there's not many people asking questions or getting excited. Unfortunately our news was only taken well by 2 people and not so well by 6 people. (Yes, the progesterone is making me a little sensitive.) I guess I'll just have to rely on myself to maintain positive...and my IF ladies of course, I love you all!!

I'm just taking this one day at a time. If this baby decides to stay we still have a long way to go (due date is August 26th 2011). I'd rather just focus on eating healthy and doing the best I can to have a healthy pregnancy. Which means trying to eat and not throw it up immediately :) I really look forward to your continued support and understanding. I put a little prayer out there that this baby decides to stay and that I get relaxed about being pregnant. I thank you endlessly!

Hmmmm, uhhhhh........I might be pregnant.......

You read that right. DH & I are fast approaching 3 years of trying. Please keep in mind that we were only given a 5% chance of conceiving naturally (MFI) and that's if we were lucky. Well.........The past couple of days I've been having a heck of a time staying awake and I'm a person that NEVER gets tired. My breasts hurt so bad that I'm ready to sell them on the black market and I feel like a bloated hot air balloon. Oh, my period is also a couple days late to name a few weird things. I've had preg symptoms many times before so I just blew it off but by yesterday afternoon I could barely stay awake. I don't get tired, I can't even remember the last time I took a nap.

Over a year ago I ordered the OPK and Preg test strips online, I couldn't afford to keep buying the ones at the store. Don't worry, I made sure they hadn't expired before using them today. I did a test strip at around 10am and I actually saw a light pregnancy line show up. HUH????? So I waited a couple hours and took another one, you know how that goes :) Well, the line showed up again except a little darker. Hmm..........

I'm 15 DPO so I pulled up the photo gallery of the same brand of HPT that I use and also on the same DPO. Well................my HPTs fit right in and were even darker than some of them.

After trying for a number of years and frequently experiencing false preg symptoms that turned into nothing.......I'm a little baffled right now. I'm waiting for DH to get done working and having him pick me up some fancy EPT's at the store. I'm actually scared to see what they'll say. When you try and pray for so long you just start to believe it'll never happen. Could this wish have been heard? Could we have lucked out in the fertility lottery? Could I be getting the best Xmas present of all time?

I've posted pics of the HPTs a couple hours after taking them. The lines were a little darker right away and my flash really washed out the depth of color but I just wanted to share them. Opinions and thoughts are very welcomed!

Happy Anniversary!!

I huge "happy anniversary" goes out there to my wonderful hubby! We've been together for 7 years, married for 3 years and have been trying for a family all 3 of those married years. My hubby is my world, my best friend and my voice of reason when my sanity takes a vacation :)

So my research continues and I remind myself to stay positive. Tomorrow is Halloween and it's my favorite so I look forward to another fabulous day. I wish everyone the best weekend and endless baby dust!

Light is shed

A HUGE thank you goes out to the wonderful women that commented on my last blog. Just to read your words was like an extended hand in a foggy place. I owe you wonderful women my sanity :)

I'm a different type of women that's able to see both sides of the story. No one is ever 100% right, they may be 99% right but never 100%. Can you tell I was a middle child? haha. I'm always able to see both sides of a story and never cast a negative opinion on either side :)



If only we were told the 1 solution that would result in our own baby, what a dream! Only tears of joy and none of disappointment. Sign me up right? Unfortunately that doesn't happen and that's when we ladies need to feel comfortable enough to turn to each other for support. If you're anything like me you're doing this by yourself with no one to talk to.......until you find the cyber support :)

My hubby offered me some support today. If you've read my blog you've seen how scared I am of feeling baby movement, so scared in fact that I would almost avoid pregnancy because of it. Anywho, I ask my hubby if he thought I could handle it....point blank. He looked at my and said, "Yes, you'll be just fine". Wow! He mentioned some others points of what he thought was the the root of my fears. The others were more emotional for me so I'll leave them silent here on my blog. There's a huge reason why I married my best friend, love ya honey!

I hope I don't lose anyone my obscure thought process. I asked my hubby what he thought and he said he'd at least like the chance to do his part in the IF process. For example, at least trying 1 round of IVF. I'm scared beyond belief but I put my life in my hubby's hands. He's like that solid piece of sanity when I hit my crazies :)

Anywho, as long as I can hold strong I'll be looking at doing a round of IVF in the very beginning of 2012. Thank goodness for tax returns!! Don't ya just hate having to make decisions due to money, grrrrrrr.

However my questions still stands...............what does it feel like to have your own baby move inside you?????? A fellow blogger has been my grip on sanity and I thank you dearly, you know who you are.

I thank everyone for all of the comments, I've never felt so secure and supported. You ladies are the greatest and I hope that you can continue to help and support me through my future ventures. I know I'll always adopt at least one child. So all you adopters out there please keep me in your thoughts! I send a silent kiss out there this evening to my future children, I love you dearly and can't wait to hold you in my arms.

To Adopt

Well I've decided to look into adoption. Threw my entire life I've known I would adopt at some point. If I had biological kids of my own or not I knew I'd adopt as well. I've been researching on and off for several years but I find most adoption info confusing and scary. I also don't know how the heck I'd be able to afford it. Why is it so hard to become a parent?!?

All we're trying to do is offer our love and forever home to an infant in need, you'd think people would take advantage of that offer. Frustration seems to be my mood today, sorry everyone. Sometimes it just feels like my dream will never happen. No more road blocks! Now, enough of my cruddy mood :)

I'd love to hear from parents that have recently adopted. I've researched many facilities/agencies but I really don't know what I should be looking for first. Any advice/guidance is VERY welcomed and appreciated!!
Maybe this is going to be my wonderful start to my family........

Back after a fertility break

I will apologize again for being MIA, so many things have happened. I had to take a break or I was going to break down. I know my IF ladies will understand that feeling :)

We had our 3rd SA done in June. Our results for this 3rd one were definitely the best results and gave me hope until my RE's office talked with me about our options. It took my RE's office a couple weeks to get the results to me and then it took them almost 2 months to get back to me about the questions I had. At that point I lost most of my hope and I've almost given up on the whole idea of starting a family. It just doesn't feel like getting pregnant is even an option for us.


Here is what the 3rd SA was:
63 mil, 76% motility & 3% morphology.
With each SA the results went up significantly, so significantly in fact that I thought we'd be able to conceive on our own.
Chances are:
12-15% with Clomid and IUI
15-20% with injectables and IUI
60% with IVF....of course
and only 5% with timed, natural intercourse.

I’m open to insight from my fellow IF’ers. I thought the results looked good but you know how they like to push IVF. I’m not against IVF but I won’t be able to afford it for a couple years.

By a strange coincidence a got in touch with a women who is highly involved in IF matters and she was nice enough to offer support and suggest a clinic close to me that she's worked with. Phew!! It's a clinic I found helpful stats on while researching IF. When we're ready I think we'll probably be going to this clinic. The RE I have right now just wants my money and treats me like crap, I just can't trust people like that with my future.

Interesting questions for all the Moms out there........What does it feel like when the baby moves inside you? I want an actual description of what it feels like physically. I know I sound crazy but I've never had a pregnancy that went to the "feel the movement" stage and I think I'm a little scared to feel it?? Feel free to share your thoughts on this Moms, I totally appreciate it!!

Well I've got more cleaning to get to but I really appreciate everyone reading my blog and staying with me during my "crazies". Happy Monday to all!

Answers take time

I apologize for being MIA for a while. I hit a very frustrated point and my attitude was not one I wanted to share. So I ended up reading everyone's blogs instead of writing in my own.

I can honestly say that I have no idea what my next step will be. I've been told DH & I have a few options but no one will say how successful they could be. It just seems like doctors won't be happy until I'm doing IVF with them, that doesn't sit well with me. I know I've come up with some plans here and there but they always change, such is life :)
DH is going to have his 3rd SA done towards the end of June, all prescriptions will be out of his system and this will be the most accurate SA. I'm going to have them wash and prepare it as they would for a IUI, this way I can at least know what count we'd be looking at for an IUI. If that count is too low then I'll skip IUI all together and save myself money and tears. Then I can just prepare myself for IVF.
I always feel like a crazy lady and that's so untypical of me. IF turns you into a crazy person!! haha. If someone could just tell me what I HAD to do then at least I'd have a little light as I walk down this uncharted path. I don't know anyone, outside of the blog sphere, that has had IF problems past having to take a cycle of Clomid. At times that's why I get a little crazy, it'd be helpful to talk with others that feel the same way I do.
I apologize for my attitude and I thank you for letting me vent :)