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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Answers take time

I apologize for being MIA for a while. I hit a very frustrated point and my attitude was not one I wanted to share. So I ended up reading everyone's blogs instead of writing in my own.

I can honestly say that I have no idea what my next step will be. I've been told DH & I have a few options but no one will say how successful they could be. It just seems like doctors won't be happy until I'm doing IVF with them, that doesn't sit well with me. I know I've come up with some plans here and there but they always change, such is life :)
DH is going to have his 3rd SA done towards the end of June, all prescriptions will be out of his system and this will be the most accurate SA. I'm going to have them wash and prepare it as they would for a IUI, this way I can at least know what count we'd be looking at for an IUI. If that count is too low then I'll skip IUI all together and save myself money and tears. Then I can just prepare myself for IVF.
I always feel like a crazy lady and that's so untypical of me. IF turns you into a crazy person!! haha. If someone could just tell me what I HAD to do then at least I'd have a little light as I walk down this uncharted path. I don't know anyone, outside of the blog sphere, that has had IF problems past having to take a cycle of Clomid. At times that's why I get a little crazy, it'd be helpful to talk with others that feel the same way I do.
I apologize for my attitude and I thank you for letting me vent :)

Friday, May 14, 2010

Show me the answers

A) I'll skip medicated cycles-They'll cost me $1000 each since I need to be monitored by u/s while on meds. I really didn't like what clomid did to me anyways. Doing an IUI is only a little bit more money, just doesn't make sense to my logical brain.

B) Have 3rd SA done around the end of June, maybe we'll be able to bump up the morph...

C) (If morph isn't up to normal) Try 3 injectable IUI's between July and the beginning of 2011

D) If those fail, trouble shoot doing IVF and financing it at some point in 2011. If we push it to the beginning of 2012 I feel that we would be running out of time to conceive more than 1 baby.

Phew, it feels good to get that off my chest and out of my brain! I think one of the hard parts is that we need to plan this around snow storms. I couldn't see doing a cycle of IVF and not being able to make an appt because I'm snowed in, I would get super ticked!
I've been very frustrated lately and it's just hard to have a logical plan when it comes to IF. Trying to do the right thing and not go bankrupt, that sounds horrible but it's the truth.

So far we can only find morph as a problem with all of our tests. For people who are dealing with MFI, is your DH on an anti-depressant? In doing my research I found that many anti-depressants can cause ED related problems and affect all aspects of sperm quality. Here is a quote from my research about ED related problems:
"Since the 1980's, doctors have known that anorgasmia can be a side effect of certain anti-depressants. Sometimes they even prescribe them for guys who false-start. Seems the drugs gum up the serotonin cycle in the brain, which also happens to play a big role in climax".

If you like to learn more just google the word "anorgasmia" or info on anti-depressants and their affect on sperm quality. For some reason I found more info on the affect it had on morph. Through all my research and all the specialty doctors I've seen/talked with, no one has ever told me about anti-depressants affect on sperm or ED. It stuck me kind of funny that DH just happens to be on an anti-depressant, hmmm.......... DH is now off of it. It may not make a huge difference but every little bit helps when you're at this point :) Fingers crossed it makes some sort of difference.

This evening I'm going to be by myself, have a nice little bonfire and a margarita. I've been emotionally frustrated and I just need to kick back, maybe have a little cry and just enjoy the moment. A huge thanks to all the wonderful ladies out there that take the time to read my blog and offer support!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What's next appt....

Dh and I made it to our "what's next" appt today. Does anybody else walk out of there feeling kind of foggy in the brain? I'm upfront, I ask questions and take notes but I always walk out of there feeling unfulfilled......maybe it's just me.

Anyways, all my tests came back great and DH's SA came back better than his first one. The only concern is his morph, 2% down from 4% on his first SA. However his motility was up from 36% to 71% and count went from 7ml to 24ml. Yahoo!!

However we actually have options!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We walked into our first RE appt with the only option of IVF and I'd prefer ICSI with it. Today I walked out with the option to do IUI's, maybe that's why my brain seemed so foggy :) Don't get me wrong, I'm a realist and I so don't get carried away.

This is the plan I came up with and my RE gave us the "OK". DH and I will just bd on our own, no meds, for a couple cycles. This will be the first time bd'ing with his newly normal count, he's a whole new man :) Our chances are better than I thought, like 20%+, so it's worth a shot to relax and have a little fun. In June DH will have 3rd SA, at this point Androgel will be completly out of his system and we'll get our most accurate results, hoping morph will go up since that's the only one we're low on. If nothing happens we'll progress to bd'ing with Clomid or Femara and a trigger shot for probably 3 cycles. Then we would progress to IUI's, my RE will only allow us to do 3 before moving onto IVF. I'm kicking around the idea of doing injectables with our IUI's, I think this may prep me for IVF and it significantly raises our odds with the IUI's.

So this is what my logical brain came up with right away and I kind of like the plan. I like being given a chance to try on our own for a little bit and gives DH enough time to process this info and raise questions if he's concerned about something, we work great as a problem solving team :) We've been ttc for 2 years but he's been on Androgel for all of those 2 years and we found out Androgel has a strong affect on my DH and drastically lowered his count. So I think it's only logical that we give his little swimmers a chance :)

We had planned to start IVF the beginning of next year, that way we could use tax returns to help fund the expensive IVF. That also gives me time to research, learn and grow into the idea of IVF. We may luck out and concieve without IVF but I have a feeling we will be turning to it at some point.

But tomorrow I will sit down with my calendar and get a better idea of what months we're doing which plan. You can't plan everything but I can try my hardest at cutting down the stress before it sneaks up on me :)

As I said I'm a realistic person, as long as I have a plan I can tackle anything. That plan doesn't need to be concrete, just something that I can put in my brain so I don't over think everything. I would like to put in that I'm deathly afraid of needles so I think doing my plan will work in slowly getting me used to injectables, can't say I'm excited about it :)

PS. I did get my period minutes before I walked out the door to my RE appt. The Clomid definitely threw off my body's schedule. My ovulation couldn't be pinpointed since my temps where everywhere the whole cycle, then my period was days late and I'm always on schedule. I also felt just really weird for at least a week before my period. I think I may be trying Femara with our first round of meds while bd'ing, may as well try it before I do any procedures with it. I'm also curious since my RE told me the side effects were less than the Clomid but it wasn't as productive, I guess we'll find out soon enough.
A huge thank you to all the wonderful women that have left me comments, don't know what I'd do without you!
PPS. I apologize for the length of this post, oops. But I did order the Ovacue monitor today so I'm very excited for it to arrive.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Not a "normal" woman

Alright, I may as well tell you now that nothing "normal" ever happens to me. It can be very frustrating at times, especially when it comes to pg symptoms. Let me share the details so you're all informed. I took 100mg Clomid days 5-9 of my cycle and now I'm on day 31 without my period, AF usually comes between day 25-28 for me. Normally I wouldn't think twice but I've also had all these symptoms for a week:
Very tender breasts/size and nipple color, CM, fainting,dizziness, fatigue, nauseous, cramps, feminine itch, so much gas that my dogs are doubting me, intense hunger spells, constipation, backache and many others I can't remember. (I apologize for TMI, it's just easier when I can spell out the symptoms I can remember). I never faint but yesterday (Mother's Day) I almost fainted a couple times while at a plant nursery with Mom. Man did I get ticked, I don't do well when I don't have a reason for feeling like poop.
A normal women would easily be pg......not me! Instead I'll just get all these symptoms and nothing will happen, it just gets a little frustrating. If I'm going to feel this crappy I'd rather be pg so I can quit nodding off on the couch with ice packs on my breasts for no reason. HPT was BFN this morning, FYI.

I did do some online research and I found that other women did get their periods late when taking Clomid and some also had pg symptoms. I can't say if I'm happy with that or not.
However we do go to our RE tomorrow so if I still don't have my period maybe they'll want to do a blood test. I know it'll come back negative as usual but it might make me feel better?? But I'm still looking forward to finding out what our next step is now that we've done all the tests they needed done. I'm going to do some research on Femara, maybe that will work better for me than the Clomid did.
If anyone has good advise my ears are open :) But I'm very excited to blog tomorrow after we go to our RE, I could use some good news right now.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The wait....

It's been a while since I last posted, too much time to think :)

Last month I had to take Clomid for a test called "Clomid Challenge". I felt fabulous during the 5 days that I took it but now the week before my period I feel just weird. My anxiety is through the roof and just feel 'not myself'. So now I'm actually hoping for my period so my progesterone kicks in and out does this feeling.
I'd also like to add that while charting on Clomid, I couldn't see when I ovulated until after I already had. My temps were all over the place and symptoms were everywhere so pin pointing ovulation wasn't an option. When I had researched Clomid it had said it would help ovulation but it hid mine, weird. I only get a positive OPK every 3rd month so I had hoped Clomid would help that situation. However I do have a thermal shift every month. Ovulation is my nemsis right now, haha.

DH and I have our "what's next" RE appointment this upcoming Tuesday. I'm just so curious about what our next steps are! After finding out DH's count went from 7ml to 24ml........that's just messed up my whole thought process, in a good way of course :) IVF was our only way of conceiving and now I'm curious if we can change that way of thinking due to our newest results?? I guess I'll know in a couple days.

So if I can pass on some advice today its...............take your DH off of Androgel while you're trying to conceive. The doctor that put DH on it said it would make 99% of his semen not swim. Then we switched doctors and the new one said it wouldn't make too much of a difference on his swimmers. I asked many other health providers and none could give me an accurate answer. I'd like to say that it makes a huge difference!! If we get pregnant now, on our own, it makes the difference between having IVF or not. That's just about us of course so do a lot of research when it comes to meds for low testosterone.

On another note I did find out that I'm allergic to grains. They think that's what packed 75lbs on me in less than 4 months and could be incharge of a bit of my anxiety. So I've cut grains out of my diet and I'm eating only gluten free foods. It's amazing how many things have grain in them!! But I'll try this for a month and see if I notice a difference.
I'd also like to say a huge thank-you to all the wonderful women who have been commenting and following my blog. You ladies are wonderful and your support is appreciated more than I can say. You're the best!

I apologize for not being myself, maybe next time I blog I'll be me :)