Once again I wonder where to begin. It's been a VERY long time since I wrote in my blog. I know barely anyone reads it but I always feel better getting stuff off my chest and sharing my experiences. I know other peoples blogs did wonders for my outlook and helped raise my optimism when things got very hard. I'm hoping my blog can help at least one person get a little hope and know that amazing things can happen to normal people.
I see my last post ended with my baby at 35 weeks. Immediately after I posted that entry I went to the ER with preterm labor. The put me in triage and hooked me up to a bunch of machines. What I gathered was that I had had a gall bladder attack. I kept telling all the nurses that I was having mild contractions. They blew me off and told me it wasn't possible, that I didn't know what contractions felt like. Hmmmm. So I just paid attention to them and would turn and watch them spike on the monitor when I felt one. I told the nurses once again and once again I got patted on the head and told I was over reacting. So I grabbed the graph paper, held it out and said, "Then what the hell are all these spikes?". Yeah, I was ticked at that point. So their reaction was, "Oh my god....you're actually having contractions". Grrrrrrr. They ended up hooking me up to a couple IV bags due to my severe morning sickness. I felt a little better after that. Then they began telling me that I was going to have surgery to remove my gall bladder or a c-section right then and there......WHAT?!?!?!? I'll cut to the chase and just say that I sweet talked them out of both procedures and went home several, several hours later. I was pissed and refused to be treated like that ever again! I promptly began researching home births and found a highly regarded midwife in my area. We signed with her on Monday afternoon and I was in full blown labor first thing Wednesday, 15 days before my due date. I had planned a water birth but my labor progressed faster than expected not giving us time to set up the pool. Oops. I did end up pushing for a long time but that was partly due to my daughter having her head tilted and a hand up by her face for most of her travels. hehe. But eventually she was born and our long awaited baby was finally here! All 8 lbs 9oz 20-1/2 inches of her. I can't remember ever feeling more content and happy. Everything was perfect! We ended up running into non-stop breastfeeding problems which resulted in a low milk supply that could not be improved no matter what I did. And I did everything! However I did go on to nurse her until she was 14 months old using a SNS (supplemental nursing system).
About 3 months ago I started having very strong pregnancy sypmtoms. I got so excited! I took 1 HPT a day for 9 days straight and never got a positive. Soon after I was standing in my living room and I broke out in a cold sweat, got all sorts of anxiety and a very sharp pain in my belly. This all lasted less than 15 mins but it was intense enough that I started to go get my keys to head to the hospital. All of a sudden it all went away and so did all of my pregnancy symptoms. I can only conclude that I miscarried. Broke my heart!! For some odd reason I ovulated 4 days after my period ended. I use an Ovacue fertility monitor and it started showing that I'd be high fertility during my period and then I did confirm ovulation with the vaginal sensor. Weird! So the following month I ovulated only 3 days after my period ended. I was still broken hearted over the miscarriage so I actually avoided having sex the days up to and including the day I ovulated. First time I remember avoiding ovulation, haha.
So I'm relaxing on a Saturday night and I decide that I'm going to call my OB first thing Monday morning to talk with her about my wacky ovulation/periods. I pull up my chart and see that my period is 2 days late. Hmmm. Well, there's no way I'm preggers and I feel fine so I figure I'll just go ahead and use my last HPT so that I can tell the OB's office "no" when they ask if I'm pregnant. Well..............I pee in a cup and dip the stick. Before I'm even done soaking the stick there are 2 frickin' lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so confused. I had this really baffled look on my face. So I barely pull my shorts and underwear on and find my husband. I hand him the test and say, "What does this mean? How is this even possible?" hehehe.
So I sit here at almost 8 weeks pregnant with baby #2 after being told we had less than a 5% chance to conceive on our own. I'm happy as can be but I'm also very nervous about miscarrying again. We still haven't told anyone except for our midwife. Just don't want to explain it if we lose the pregnancy. I was able to get an early ultrasound scheduled but it's not until May 13th. I'll be 9 weeks along. Darn OB will be out of town until then. Maybe that's a sign? I keep telling myself that no matter what I do or don't do this baby will do what is best for itself. I have to keep faith in that. I'm taking awesome care of myself and being careful. Once I get the u/s sound and I can see/hear it's heart beating I'll calm down and it'll start setting in that we're going to have another baby. But until then it's hard not to be nervous something will happen again.
Thanks for everyone for reading my blog again! It feels good to vent :)