Looks like Dr. Evil :)
He/she will have a full head of hair like I thought!
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Friday, July 29, 2011
Less than 1 months left!!
To say that time flies fast is an understatement! Most women complained and whined to me how I'll hate being pregnant, how LONG it last, blah, blah, blah. I guess I was/am too darn thankful to whine and quite honestly I've definitely dealt with worse. I've been in pre-term labor for over 2 weeks and had IV fluids due to dehydration and I've still felt worse. Bring it on baby, I love you no matter what you do! :)
I've been confronting some strange emotions lately. I've had them since the beginning and they've only gotten stronger as I've progressed and the mother bear in me has started to develop. My overnight trip to the triage unit definitely made a strong impact on my emotions and feelings. I felt like I was being treated as a sick person not a pregnant person. I was being viewed as broken and all they were trying to do was figure out what medications and interventions they could do with me. Having a baby is a natural thing that a women's body was built to do!!!!! I went to triage because my husband kindly asked me to get checked out. It took every ounce of my being not to pull out that stupid IV and just leave, I've done it before. But I stayed for my husband and it reminded him of how tough I am :)
So, in a surprising turn of events I have decided (at 36 weeks along) to have a Home Water Birth. I want to work with my body and be in tune and in control at times. I want to remember my 1st child's birth. I want to avoid episiotomies and a probable c-section. I want to avoid the unnecessary medical interventions that would only scare me and prolong/stop my labor. I want to know that I can trust my body and what it tells me. I want to have a greater connection with DH during our baby's birth. I want to be at home where I'm comfortable with my own bed, shower and my dogs. I want to be in charge of the greatest moment of my life, not a team of medical staff. I want to prove to myself that I CAN do this and I deserve the happiness it will bring me. I want to overcome my anxieties by proving mind over matter. I want to do this my way! I want my baby to come into this world happy and not sacred to pieces. I want my baby to be treated as the precious gift it is and not a pin cushion to be handled roughly.
Get the idea?? haha. I've had 9 months to lament this and I could even say I've had 31 years to decide. I just can't put my faith, my body and the life of my child into the hands of a medical staff I've never met before. This is MY baby and I've going to look out for both of us.
My decision has not been etched into stone yet but I feel more comfortable with the idea with each passing second. The midwife I've chosen has come highly recommended by my friends and one of which is using her now and is due less than 2 weeks before me!
We will be going to my OB appt on Monday and we'll see what I discuss with her. Then on Tuesday we have our first consult appt with our midwife. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!
Please note that we are looking at a baby over 9lbs. It has been gaining 1 pound per week instead of the typical 1/2 lb. At 35 weeks baby was already weighing in at 7.2 lbs, that's in the 80th percentile. We knew we'd have a 9+lber but it's nice to be able to prove that to the doctors. I'll post some of the 35 pics.
At this point in the game you never know what I'll post next ;) hehe.
I've been confronting some strange emotions lately. I've had them since the beginning and they've only gotten stronger as I've progressed and the mother bear in me has started to develop. My overnight trip to the triage unit definitely made a strong impact on my emotions and feelings. I felt like I was being treated as a sick person not a pregnant person. I was being viewed as broken and all they were trying to do was figure out what medications and interventions they could do with me. Having a baby is a natural thing that a women's body was built to do!!!!! I went to triage because my husband kindly asked me to get checked out. It took every ounce of my being not to pull out that stupid IV and just leave, I've done it before. But I stayed for my husband and it reminded him of how tough I am :)
So, in a surprising turn of events I have decided (at 36 weeks along) to have a Home Water Birth. I want to work with my body and be in tune and in control at times. I want to remember my 1st child's birth. I want to avoid episiotomies and a probable c-section. I want to avoid the unnecessary medical interventions that would only scare me and prolong/stop my labor. I want to know that I can trust my body and what it tells me. I want to have a greater connection with DH during our baby's birth. I want to be at home where I'm comfortable with my own bed, shower and my dogs. I want to be in charge of the greatest moment of my life, not a team of medical staff. I want to prove to myself that I CAN do this and I deserve the happiness it will bring me. I want to overcome my anxieties by proving mind over matter. I want to do this my way! I want my baby to come into this world happy and not sacred to pieces. I want my baby to be treated as the precious gift it is and not a pin cushion to be handled roughly.
Get the idea?? haha. I've had 9 months to lament this and I could even say I've had 31 years to decide. I just can't put my faith, my body and the life of my child into the hands of a medical staff I've never met before. This is MY baby and I've going to look out for both of us.
My decision has not been etched into stone yet but I feel more comfortable with the idea with each passing second. The midwife I've chosen has come highly recommended by my friends and one of which is using her now and is due less than 2 weeks before me!
We will be going to my OB appt on Monday and we'll see what I discuss with her. Then on Tuesday we have our first consult appt with our midwife. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!
Please note that we are looking at a baby over 9lbs. It has been gaining 1 pound per week instead of the typical 1/2 lb. At 35 weeks baby was already weighing in at 7.2 lbs, that's in the 80th percentile. We knew we'd have a 9+lber but it's nice to be able to prove that to the doctors. I'll post some of the 35 pics.
At this point in the game you never know what I'll post next ;) hehe.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I'm still here and pregnant
I decided to take a few months off from my blog. It does feel good to type again!!
In 2 days I'll be 30 weeks along! I wake up every morning and think I'm still dreaming, I can't believe that we're going to have a baby! Pregnancy has had it's up and downs and sometimes I don't feel the best but I'll take anything my baby wants to hand out.
At our 20 week u/s we did find out what gender we're having. We decided to keep it a secret and so far we've only told our neighbors who we look at as our adopted grandparents. Other than them NO ONE knows what our little head of cabbage is. It was hard to keep it quiet at first but no it's second nature. I do plan on announcing the baby's gender at my baby shower. My Mom is going to be thrilled!!
Pregnancy has been an amazing journey. I look at how far I've made it and I'm so darn proud of myself! I was scared to death to feel the baby move or see the movements from the outside. As I sit and type this my laptop is hopping all over from being kicked by LO. I couldn't imagine going a day without feeling LO kick, punch and twirl all day long. LO has been very active since the get go, almost like he/she knew I had a huge fear and they were going to help me get over it quickly. The ladies at my doctors office beg to do the doppler since LO kicks it right off the bat and then puts on a show for them. I've already got a show off!
As D day nears reality slowly sets in. I like to set some time aside each week to just imagine me holding my own baby. It was such a dream and slowly my brain is accepting it as a reality.
I've gotten a great jump start on the nursery and I was able to get out Memorial day weekend and found loads of baby clothes perfect for us. I did my first load of baby clothes wash last week, that was a very neat feeling. Sitting on the couch folding and sorting onesie's almost had me in tears and grinning like a fool. This really is happening!!!
I've begun cooking and freezing meals for our homecoming with LO. I've got plans for 14 meals so we'll be covered in case someone stays for dinner and we can save money by avoiding buying take out. Eating a healthy meal is also good for healing. It feels good to be preparing, makes me feel confident and prepared. Next I will be slowly going thru my lists and purchasing things on my "to do" lists. You never know when baby is going to make his/her appearance so I figure better safe than sorry.
At our 20 week u/s we did find out what gender we're having. We decided to keep it a secret and so far we've only told our neighbors who we look at as our adopted grandparents. Other than them NO ONE knows what our little head of cabbage is. It was hard to keep it quiet at first but no it's second nature. I do plan on announcing the baby's gender at my baby shower. My Mom is going to be thrilled!!
Pregnancy has been an amazing journey. I look at how far I've made it and I'm so darn proud of myself! I was scared to death to feel the baby move or see the movements from the outside. As I sit and type this my laptop is hopping all over from being kicked by LO. I couldn't imagine going a day without feeling LO kick, punch and twirl all day long. LO has been very active since the get go, almost like he/she knew I had a huge fear and they were going to help me get over it quickly. The ladies at my doctors office beg to do the doppler since LO kicks it right off the bat and then puts on a show for them. I've already got a show off!
As D day nears reality slowly sets in. I like to set some time aside each week to just imagine me holding my own baby. It was such a dream and slowly my brain is accepting it as a reality.
I've gotten a great jump start on the nursery and I was able to get out Memorial day weekend and found loads of baby clothes perfect for us. I did my first load of baby clothes wash last week, that was a very neat feeling. Sitting on the couch folding and sorting onesie's almost had me in tears and grinning like a fool. This really is happening!!!
I've begun cooking and freezing meals for our homecoming with LO. I've got plans for 14 meals so we'll be covered in case someone stays for dinner and we can save money by avoiding buying take out. Eating a healthy meal is also good for healing. It feels good to be preparing, makes me feel confident and prepared. Next I will be slowly going thru my lists and purchasing things on my "to do" lists. You never know when baby is going to make his/her appearance so I figure better safe than sorry.
I'll be posting frequently now so I hope others can join me and offer support and wisdom. Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
19 weeks and counting
I just realized that I have slacked significantly with my blogging. We will be reaching 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow, phew!! Never in my lifetime did I imagine that I'd ever say that....feels darn good.
I have to admit that the first trimester was a bit of pain, literally. My nausea didn't lighten up until a couple weeks ago. I've had every pregnancy symptom but none have discouraged me so far. When you try so hard for so long it's amazing what you'll put up with and ignore. Everyone told me how much I'd hate being pregnant and so far I don't have any complaints. Keeping busy has really helped me out. I'd like to go on record for still not taking one single nap. I've never been able to nap so unless I'm going to fall done exhausted I don't see that happening anytime soon.
We did raise hell when we let our families know that we wouldn't be sharing the gender of our baby. We actually told our families we wouldn't be finding out so they wouldn't get too ticked. Everyone has been kind of arrogant about what gender they want and I got very protective. I didn't think it fair for our baby to be categorized as a certain sex and not just a great baby. My side has only girl grand babies and DH side has only boy grand babies so you can imagine the pull each side is making and voicing. The second we announced our decision to not share the gender everyone cooled their jets. It was a load off of my ever growing chest and I had a good cry when it was over :) We go in April 5th for our gender ultrasound. I don't care what gender he/she is, still can't believe we got this far.
Now onto the fun stuff! I've felt the baby "quickening" since 11 weeks along, also felt 1 big somersault. But within the past few weeks I can feel the little one moving all the time. Kicks, jabs, rolls, stretching and whatever else he/she feels like doing. One of my girlfriends borrowed us her doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was fine without it but I was sure it would help DH feel more "involved" so I brought it home. So far I'm the only one that can find it, hehe. The second day we had it DH decided he wasn't going to stop until he heard the heartbeat, I think I won an award for patience that day. Well, the baby got sick on the intrusion and actually kicked the doppler!! It made a huge noise and I felt it very strongly, super weird. Had my hand been there instead I would have felt the movement on the outside too. What an experience!
My cravings have been quite strong but nothing too unhealthy so far. For some reason I've wanted to go out to eat rather than cook at home. I really enjoy cooking so this was a new one for me. I'm actually waiting for my Mom right now so I can take her out to lunch for some Chinese :)
I'm enjoying every minute, feels good not to be spending all my time in the bathroom. Even then I enjoyed the feeling and rode the emotional waves. Imagining holding our baby for the first time makes me cry and still feels surreal. What an amazing experience!
I have to admit that the first trimester was a bit of pain, literally. My nausea didn't lighten up until a couple weeks ago. I've had every pregnancy symptom but none have discouraged me so far. When you try so hard for so long it's amazing what you'll put up with and ignore. Everyone told me how much I'd hate being pregnant and so far I don't have any complaints. Keeping busy has really helped me out. I'd like to go on record for still not taking one single nap. I've never been able to nap so unless I'm going to fall done exhausted I don't see that happening anytime soon.
We did raise hell when we let our families know that we wouldn't be sharing the gender of our baby. We actually told our families we wouldn't be finding out so they wouldn't get too ticked. Everyone has been kind of arrogant about what gender they want and I got very protective. I didn't think it fair for our baby to be categorized as a certain sex and not just a great baby. My side has only girl grand babies and DH side has only boy grand babies so you can imagine the pull each side is making and voicing. The second we announced our decision to not share the gender everyone cooled their jets. It was a load off of my ever growing chest and I had a good cry when it was over :) We go in April 5th for our gender ultrasound. I don't care what gender he/she is, still can't believe we got this far.
Now onto the fun stuff! I've felt the baby "quickening" since 11 weeks along, also felt 1 big somersault. But within the past few weeks I can feel the little one moving all the time. Kicks, jabs, rolls, stretching and whatever else he/she feels like doing. One of my girlfriends borrowed us her doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was fine without it but I was sure it would help DH feel more "involved" so I brought it home. So far I'm the only one that can find it, hehe. The second day we had it DH decided he wasn't going to stop until he heard the heartbeat, I think I won an award for patience that day. Well, the baby got sick on the intrusion and actually kicked the doppler!! It made a huge noise and I felt it very strongly, super weird. Had my hand been there instead I would have felt the movement on the outside too. What an experience!
My cravings have been quite strong but nothing too unhealthy so far. For some reason I've wanted to go out to eat rather than cook at home. I really enjoy cooking so this was a new one for me. I'm actually waiting for my Mom right now so I can take her out to lunch for some Chinese :)
I'm enjoying every minute, feels good not to be spending all my time in the bathroom. Even then I enjoyed the feeling and rode the emotional waves. Imagining holding our baby for the first time makes me cry and still feels surreal. What an amazing experience!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Almost 12 weeks along!
Can you tell I'm excited?? Tomorrow I'll be 12 weeks and it's still hard to believe that I'm actually pregnant, it's still surreal. I'm not taking any little thing for granted and I'm not in a negative mind set. Yes I feel like a wad of crap sometimes but that means that my baby is still in there and safe. Hard to be negative when you feel so blessed!
On Valentine's Day I will be taking my Mom to my OB's so she can hear the heart beat. It's also DH's bday so I'll have some more fun when I get home. I hate Winters but this one has been one to remember!
I would like to announce that I threw on a maternity tank top and showed DH my belly. I've been feeling lumpy and I was worried it'd just look like I gained some weight. To my surprise he was happy to see my belly and told me I looked good, thanks hon! I'm going to try and hide my belly from public a little longer. I'm showing pretty early, just like my Mom and sister did. I want to show off my belly but I need to be comfortable with that idea first. You know how everyone is a pregnancy expert once you get pregnant, the advice does get old after a while :)
I'm off to enjoy the sunshine on this blistery winter day. Have you hugged your kids today?
On Valentine's Day I will be taking my Mom to my OB's so she can hear the heart beat. It's also DH's bday so I'll have some more fun when I get home. I hate Winters but this one has been one to remember!
I would like to announce that I threw on a maternity tank top and showed DH my belly. I've been feeling lumpy and I was worried it'd just look like I gained some weight. To my surprise he was happy to see my belly and told me I looked good, thanks hon! I'm going to try and hide my belly from public a little longer. I'm showing pretty early, just like my Mom and sister did. I want to show off my belly but I need to be comfortable with that idea first. You know how everyone is a pregnancy expert once you get pregnant, the advice does get old after a while :)
I'm off to enjoy the sunshine on this blistery winter day. Have you hugged your kids today?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
When to wear maternity clothes??
Yes, I have bought maternity clothes. I took the gift card I got from my Dad for Xmas. Didn't strap the budget and it's helping me realize this has really happened.
So I ask all the ladies out there.....When did you start wearing maternity clothes? I know they tell you "normal" women don't show 'til 4-6 months but come on! The smallest baby produced on my side of the family was a little under 9lbs, we make BIG babies!! Big babies = showing early. I was a bit over weight before I got pregnant due to my Celiac so I had a little gut to start with but it's widened and is getting firm. I feel guilty when it hangs out or is noticable. Don't get me wrong on that one. It's just hard when all my research says it's too early to show and my body says "Get out of the way, we're growing!!"
All my pre-preg jeans were in the wash the other day so all I had were maternity jeans. I throw on a pair and did my errands. They were a little big so I put a bella band on over the waist band and it worked great. I should mention that I did lose weight due to morning sickness and very healthy daily diet change.
Any thoughts on this?? When did you start wearing maternity clothes or your thoughts on the concept?
So I ask all the ladies out there.....When did you start wearing maternity clothes? I know they tell you "normal" women don't show 'til 4-6 months but come on! The smallest baby produced on my side of the family was a little under 9lbs, we make BIG babies!! Big babies = showing early. I was a bit over weight before I got pregnant due to my Celiac so I had a little gut to start with but it's widened and is getting firm. I feel guilty when it hangs out or is noticable. Don't get me wrong on that one. It's just hard when all my research says it's too early to show and my body says "Get out of the way, we're growing!!"
All my pre-preg jeans were in the wash the other day so all I had were maternity jeans. I throw on a pair and did my errands. They were a little big so I put a bella band on over the waist band and it worked great. I should mention that I did lose weight due to morning sickness and very healthy daily diet change.
Any thoughts on this?? When did you start wearing maternity clothes or your thoughts on the concept?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
To understand
To understand is something hard to do for most people. To find compasion is almost impossible for most people. To feel empathy is unheard of for most people. To love unconditionally doesn't exist for most people. But to understand is possible for everyone. It's the power of choice that holds most back. Make the best choice for all people whose lives you touch.
I feel different today. My thoughts seem to be coming back to me. Almost like the baby has decided to give me a short break. I don't know how long I get this break so I'm taking advantage of it today. I've eaten a few normal food items today and haven't "refunded" them. Just to eat something with flavor is refreshing. I don't know why I feel different but I'll take it without question.
I've taken some time today to play on my blog and catch up on others. I'm still new to the blogging experience but I'm trying. I really hope to get more involved with my blogging and more involved with my blogger friends. A big thank you goes out to those great people that stop by!
I'm off to continue enjoying being different. I got my Bella Bands yesterday and I'm wearing one right now, I just love the support. Trying little pregnant items here and there is helping my thoughts transition nice and slow. Sometimes it takes a little time for my brain to catch up to my body.
I feel different today. My thoughts seem to be coming back to me. Almost like the baby has decided to give me a short break. I don't know how long I get this break so I'm taking advantage of it today. I've eaten a few normal food items today and haven't "refunded" them. Just to eat something with flavor is refreshing. I don't know why I feel different but I'll take it without question.
I've taken some time today to play on my blog and catch up on others. I'm still new to the blogging experience but I'm trying. I really hope to get more involved with my blogging and more involved with my blogger friends. A big thank you goes out to those great people that stop by!
I'm off to continue enjoying being different. I got my Bella Bands yesterday and I'm wearing one right now, I just love the support. Trying little pregnant items here and there is helping my thoughts transition nice and slow. Sometimes it takes a little time for my brain to catch up to my body.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
1st Ultrasound- He/She's really in there!!!!
8w5dThere's my baby, what a cute little glob!! I said I'll believe it when I see it......I got to see the baby and it's heartbeat, wow!! It was bouncing around as well so we know it's there and it's alive! We're still in shock so it was like walking on uncharted ground. I got all teary eyed and Big Guy just said,"Wow, see it's there". Haha, we sound like goofs :)
All the prep and reading couldn't have helped me express myself, I was speechless. To the people that know me, that never happens. I'm still in shock today. I bought prenatal vitamins immediately afterwards, no more separate vitamins. I took one before bed last night and I think the B6 helped my nausea a little bit and my mood seems to be a little improved today.
In all I think seeing the baby affected my overall feeling of well being and attitude. I just feel different today then I have for the last 2 months.
It's hard to imagine I'm already rounding up on week 9! I think the key is to keep yourself busy. Sitting there bored tends to let your mind wonder and that's when I worry. So I've taken the proactive position of making myself busy the second my mind starts to wonder. Being pregnant is scary enough, you don't need to be adding other stresses.
I got my Bella Bands in the mail today. I got free shipping and a free, very nice, lotion for buying 2 bands. I stared at them a while and wondered how crazy I'd be if I put one on now. I'll admit, I also googled to see when other women started wearing theirs, haha. But...I've got the Turquoise one on and I love it!! I'm very bloated and this bella band is giving me extra support and making me more comfortable. Just that little bit can raise you feeling of well being. This lotion is the best smelling lotion ever!
I'm off to do a little pregnancy research, only reading articles about what's going on with my body at this stage.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Confidence and logic!
My 1st prenatal appt is tomorrow morning. My OB's office doesn't do any physical exam at this appt. This is just for going over my medical history and talking about risks and things. It's hard because each person doc and pregnancy is different...I have to keep reminding myself of this. I get the paranoid people that freak out and start saying I should have already had an ultrasound by now. I think back to when I was born, my Mother or even my Grama. With most of that you only went to a doctor is you had a major problem or if you decided to deliver in a hospital. I think that thought slows down my hormone influenced emotions. Only you can know what's best for you and your baby. Trust yourself and you emotions!
Always remember that each person is different and each pregnancy. Just because something happened to your friend's friend a million years ago doesn't mean it's going to happen to you. This thought also gives me a sane feeling :) I'm doing everything in my power to ensure a healthy, happy pregnancy. I must find safety in that and to know that this baby will be our "dream" baby if he/she wants to be. Think sticky :)
Can you tell I'm newly pregnant and nervous?
Always remember that each person is different and each pregnancy. Just because something happened to your friend's friend a million years ago doesn't mean it's going to happen to you. This thought also gives me a sane feeling :) I'm doing everything in my power to ensure a healthy, happy pregnancy. I must find safety in that and to know that this baby will be our "dream" baby if he/she wants to be. Think sticky :)
Can you tell I'm newly pregnant and nervous?
Monday, January 3, 2011
I can't be the only one that feels this lost.
(6-1/2 weeks preg)
I know most people might think I'm nuts but I feel lost right now. I'm excited and scared all at the same time, only my IF friends could totally understand that feeling. You try so hard for so long and when it happens you don't know how to live that different life. You could say the IF life is a bit like a prisoner's life. When their release date comes close they fear getting out and yet that's all they want. When they get out they have no idea where to start. Make sense?? No idea why I had to compare that to prison life but at times IF feels like a prison.
I think the waiting from a positive HPT to the first ultrasound feels like a millennium right now. I get worried that I'm not doing something right or wonder if I could be doing something better. Having mood swings doesn't help my thought process that's for sure :) I'm normally not moody nor do I get PMS, I think my body just needs to adjust to the hormone change. But I hate being sassy in the mouth and then feeling just horrible a little while afterwards. I think certain things don't help the mood swings. Here are a few things not to say to a newly pregnant women that, literally, worked her butt off to get pregnant:
1. "See, I told you it would happen if you just stopped thinking about it or trying."
2. "By this time next year you'll be calling me wondering why you wanted kids."
3. "It only gets worse."
4. "Are you sure this time?"
Those are just the first 4 that I don't need to hear again, haha.
I think that a "normal" pregnant women and an IF pregnant women are a world apart in their journeys and the feelings those journeys create. I'm not saying one is right and the other is wrong or that one is harder than the other. I've just noticed so many differences in the journeys. I hope over time people can start to understand that not all pregnancies are the same and just because you're pregnant doesn't mean that you automatically feel a certain way.
So I embrace this long lost gift with equal amounts of joy and confusion. By no means do I mean to sound negative or fearful......I just feel lost :) Thanks for letting me share!
I know most people might think I'm nuts but I feel lost right now. I'm excited and scared all at the same time, only my IF friends could totally understand that feeling. You try so hard for so long and when it happens you don't know how to live that different life. You could say the IF life is a bit like a prisoner's life. When their release date comes close they fear getting out and yet that's all they want. When they get out they have no idea where to start. Make sense?? No idea why I had to compare that to prison life but at times IF feels like a prison.
I think the waiting from a positive HPT to the first ultrasound feels like a millennium right now. I get worried that I'm not doing something right or wonder if I could be doing something better. Having mood swings doesn't help my thought process that's for sure :) I'm normally not moody nor do I get PMS, I think my body just needs to adjust to the hormone change. But I hate being sassy in the mouth and then feeling just horrible a little while afterwards. I think certain things don't help the mood swings. Here are a few things not to say to a newly pregnant women that, literally, worked her butt off to get pregnant:
1. "See, I told you it would happen if you just stopped thinking about it or trying."
2. "By this time next year you'll be calling me wondering why you wanted kids."
3. "It only gets worse."
4. "Are you sure this time?"
Those are just the first 4 that I don't need to hear again, haha.
I think that a "normal" pregnant women and an IF pregnant women are a world apart in their journeys and the feelings those journeys create. I'm not saying one is right and the other is wrong or that one is harder than the other. I've just noticed so many differences in the journeys. I hope over time people can start to understand that not all pregnancies are the same and just because you're pregnant doesn't mean that you automatically feel a certain way.
So I embrace this long lost gift with equal amounts of joy and confusion. By no means do I mean to sound negative or fearful......I just feel lost :) Thanks for letting me share!
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