2 week wait

Well, I found what little patience I had and waited 2 weeks before posted on my blog again. I am MORE than happy to announce that baby #2 is sticking in there!!!! To say that I'm baffled and blown away would be the world's biggest understatement. Here are a couple facts as to why I'm baffled:
- Less than %5 chance of conceiving on our own
- Period ended on day 3 and I ovulated on day 5
- Didn't do the baby dance until after I ovulated and Ovacue monitor said I was low fertility.

Those are the first 3 that I could think of. Just baffling. But at the same time and just so happy :) I never imagined I'd be boosting that I was pregnant let alone pregnant for the 2nd time. Amazing!

Just because I'm a nervous Nelly I decided to go ahead and have an early ultrasound done. I just had to see a little baby in there to know this really was happening. So my midwife sent me to an OB that does ultrasounds for her clients.
We got there early like how they asked and then we proceeded to wait for 1 & 1/2 hours. Only 1 other person was called back in the time frame. So by the time we got called back my nerves were almost shot, I was starving and had to pee super bad. The nurse was kind enough but when she asked a question she'd proceed to give me multiple choice answers instead of just letting me tell her the answer. She'd ask me what the date of my last period was and then when I'd start answering she'd start throwing out all kinds of dates like I was only allowed to pick one. Can you tell I was irritated? haha. The hard part is that I have to go off of my ovulation date instead of my last period because I ovulated less than 2 days after my period. So I'm trying to tell the nurse that. I go into detail and then I realize that I'm so used to talking IF and testing everything that most "normal" women have no idea what I'm talking about. So after my huge explanation she looks at me and says, "So you don't know when your last period was?". GRRRRRRRR. Please keep in mind that I was being exceedingly patient and calm. I explain again how and why we'll be using my ovulation date and I even tell her when I'm due. Needless to say she still didn't listen and went ahead and put my ovulation date down as my period. So instead of being due December 16th I'm now due December 30th in their records.
I get disrobed and sit my naked bum on the exam table with that stupid paper table cloth that never cooperates. haha. Doctor finally comes in almost a half hour later. He was nice enough but from the get go he wasn't listening to me. Like when he inserted the wand baby came up instantly on the monitor. I get all choked up and keep asking, "Is that baby?" He didn't answer and finally I had to look at him and touch his arm and ask again before he'd answer. So now I've got tears just streaming down my cheeks :) My little baby that I was never supposed to have is really in there and dancing around happily. He turned on the sound and time froze. That little heart was just pump, pump, pumping! 176 bpm!

So the doctor does the measuring and evaluating. He begins to tell me how my midwife & I have my due date wrong. He says that I'm due Dec 25th instead of Dec 30th. I tell him how I'm really due Dec 16th and I let him know about my ovulation day and why we're using that date instead. He told me ovulation monitors aren't reliable so I probably have it wrong. My due date is Xmas, end of story. Hmmmmm. At this point I was still floating on cloud 9 so I didn't put up too much of a fuss. He had that 'I'm a doctor, I know more' hat on and I don't handle that well. Last time a doctor did that I told them off and went home and had my baby, haha. This doctor even pulled out the wheel thingy and tried showing me when I was due, totally throwing out my ovulation day. I have a very hard time when people don't listen :)
I looked at my husband who just gave me the look like "Monica, just let it go", thanked the doc and got a pic of my baby. I was pretty upset about that due date stuff. You know your pregnant when you obsess over stuff like that ;) I emailed my midwife and she told me know to worry about it. We'd get it all figured out. And that is why I LOVE having a midwife!!
Here is baby #2 happy in the womb. Yolk sac is still helping baby out.

So I'm still walking on air and happy as can be. I did go ahead and make an appointment for another early ultrasound due to the due date mix up. The doctor suggested it because, "Since you miscarried before we can still lost the pregnancy in the 8th, 9th and 10th week of pregnancy". Yeah, he said that to me. I was pretty upset about the due date stuff but there's nothing to worry about. What matters is that baby is in there and doing fine and my midwife and I will get it all straightened out. I only see this doctor for the few ultrasounds I'll get and nothing else. Phew!

I need to sign off now and get my day rolling but thanks for letting me share. I'm beyond thrilled!

Far past time for an update

Once again I wonder where to begin. It's been a VERY long time since I wrote in my blog. I know barely anyone reads it but I always feel better getting stuff off my chest and sharing my experiences. I know other peoples blogs did wonders for my outlook and helped raise my optimism when things got very hard. I'm hoping my blog can help at least one person get a little hope and know that amazing things can happen to normal people.

I see my last post ended with my baby at 35 weeks. Immediately after I posted that entry I went to the ER with preterm labor. The put me in triage and hooked me up to a bunch of machines. What I gathered was that I had had a gall bladder attack. I kept telling all the nurses that I was having mild contractions. They blew me off and told me it wasn't possible, that I didn't know what contractions felt like. Hmmmm. So I just paid attention to them and would turn and watch them spike on the monitor when I felt one. I told the nurses once again and once again I got patted on the head and told I was over reacting. So I grabbed the graph paper, held it out and said, "Then what the hell are all these spikes?". Yeah, I was ticked at that point. So their reaction was, "Oh my god....you're actually having contractions". Grrrrrrr. They ended up hooking me up to a couple IV bags due to my severe morning sickness. I felt a little better after that. Then they began telling me that I was going to have surgery to remove my gall bladder or a c-section right then and there......WHAT?!?!?!? I'll cut to the chase and just say that I sweet talked them out of both procedures and went home several, several hours later. I was pissed and refused to be treated like that ever again! I promptly began researching home births and found a highly regarded midwife in my area. We signed with her on Monday afternoon and I was in full blown labor first thing Wednesday, 15 days before my due date. I had planned a water birth but my labor progressed faster than expected not giving us time to set up the pool. Oops. I did end up pushing for a long time but that was partly due to my daughter having her head tilted and a hand up by her face for most of her travels. hehe. But eventually she was born and our long awaited baby was finally here! All 8 lbs 9oz 20-1/2 inches of her. I can't remember ever feeling more content and happy. Everything was perfect! We ended up running into non-stop breastfeeding problems which resulted in a low milk supply that could not be improved no matter what I did. And I did everything! However I did go on to nurse her until she was 14 months old using a SNS (supplemental nursing system).

About 3 months ago I started having very strong pregnancy sypmtoms. I got so excited! I took 1 HPT a day for 9 days straight and never got a positive. Soon after I was standing in my living room and I broke out in a cold sweat, got all sorts of anxiety and a very sharp pain in my belly. This all lasted less than 15 mins but it was intense enough that I started to go get my keys to head to the hospital. All of a sudden it all went away and so did all of my pregnancy symptoms. I can only conclude that I miscarried. Broke my heart!! For some odd reason I ovulated 4 days after my period ended. I use an Ovacue fertility monitor and it started showing that I'd be high fertility during my period and then I did confirm ovulation with the vaginal sensor. Weird! So the following month I ovulated only 3 days after my period ended. I was still broken hearted over the miscarriage so I actually avoided having sex the days up to and including the day I ovulated. First time I remember avoiding ovulation, haha.
So I'm relaxing on a Saturday night and I decide that I'm going to call my OB first thing Monday morning to talk with her about my wacky ovulation/periods. I pull up my chart and see that my period is 2 days late. Hmmm. Well, there's no way I'm preggers and I feel fine so I figure I'll just go ahead and use my last HPT so that I can tell the OB's office "no" when they ask if I'm pregnant. Well..............I pee in a cup and dip the stick. Before I'm even done soaking the stick there are 2 frickin' lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so confused. I had this really baffled look on my face. So I barely pull my shorts and underwear on and find my husband. I hand him the test and say, "What does this mean? How is this even possible?" hehehe.

So I sit here at almost 8 weeks pregnant with baby #2 after being told we had less than a 5% chance to conceive on our own. I'm happy as can be but I'm also very nervous about miscarrying again. We still haven't told anyone except for our midwife. Just don't want to explain it if we lose the pregnancy. I was able to get an early ultrasound scheduled but it's not until May 13th. I'll be 9 weeks along. Darn OB will be out of town until then. Maybe that's a sign? I keep telling myself that no matter what I do or don't do this baby will do what is best for itself. I have to keep faith in that. I'm taking awesome care of myself and being careful. Once I get the u/s sound and I can see/hear it's heart beating I'll calm down and it'll start setting in that we're going to have another baby. But until then it's hard not to be nervous something will happen again.

Thanks for everyone for reading my blog again! It feels good to vent :)

35 week ultrasound pic

Looks like Dr. Evil :)

He/she will have a full head of hair like I thought!

Less than 1 months left!!

To say that time flies fast is an understatement! Most women complained and whined to me how I'll hate being pregnant, how LONG it last, blah, blah, blah. I guess I was/am too darn thankful to whine and quite honestly I've definitely dealt with worse. I've been in pre-term labor for over 2 weeks and had IV fluids due to dehydration and I've still felt worse. Bring it on baby, I love you no matter what you do! :)

I've been confronting some strange emotions lately. I've had them since the beginning and they've only gotten stronger as I've progressed and the mother bear in me has started to develop. My overnight trip to the triage unit definitely made a strong impact on my emotions and feelings. I felt like I was being treated as a sick person not a pregnant person. I was being viewed as broken and all they were trying to do was figure out what medications and interventions they could do with me. Having a baby is a natural thing that a women's body was built to do!!!!! I went to triage because my husband kindly asked me to get checked out. It took every ounce of my being not to pull out that stupid IV and just leave, I've done it before. But I stayed for my husband and it reminded him of how tough I am :)

So, in a surprising turn of events I have decided (at 36 weeks along) to have a Home Water Birth. I want to work with my body and be in tune and in control at times. I want to remember my 1st child's birth. I want to avoid episiotomies and a probable c-section. I want to avoid the unnecessary medical interventions that would only scare me and prolong/stop my labor. I want to know that I can trust my body and what it tells me. I want to have a greater connection with DH during our baby's birth. I want to be at home where I'm comfortable with my own bed, shower and my dogs. I want to be in charge of the greatest moment of my life, not a team of medical staff. I want to prove to myself that I CAN do this and I deserve the happiness it will bring me. I want to overcome my anxieties by proving mind over matter. I want to do this my way! I want my baby to come into this world happy and not sacred to pieces. I want my baby to be treated as the precious gift it is and not a pin cushion to be handled roughly.

Get the idea?? haha. I've had 9 months to lament this and I could even say I've had 31 years to decide. I just can't put my faith, my body and the life of my child into the hands of a medical staff I've never met before. This is MY baby and I've going to look out for both of us.
My decision has not been etched into stone yet but I feel more comfortable with the idea with each passing second. The midwife I've chosen has come highly recommended by my friends and one of which is using her now and is due less than 2 weeks before me!
We will be going to my OB appt on Monday and we'll see what I discuss with her. Then on Tuesday we have our first consult appt with our midwife. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!

Please note that we are looking at a baby over 9lbs. It has been gaining 1 pound per week instead of the typical 1/2 lb. At 35 weeks baby was already weighing in at 7.2 lbs, that's in the 80th percentile. We knew we'd have a 9+lber but it's nice to be able to prove that to the doctors. I'll post some of the 35 pics.

At this point in the game you never know what I'll post next ;) hehe.

20 week u/s pics

I'm still here and pregnant

I decided to take a few months off from my blog. It does feel good to type again!!

In 2 days I'll be 30 weeks along! I wake up every morning and think I'm still dreaming, I can't believe that we're going to have a baby! Pregnancy has had it's up and downs and sometimes I don't feel the best but I'll take anything my baby wants to hand out.

At our 20 week u/s we did find out what gender we're having. We decided to keep it a secret and so far we've only told our neighbors who we look at as our adopted grandparents. Other than them NO ONE knows what our little head of cabbage is. It was hard to keep it quiet at first but no it's second nature. I do plan on announcing the baby's gender at my baby shower. My Mom is going to be thrilled!!

Pregnancy has been an amazing journey. I look at how far I've made it and I'm so darn proud of myself! I was scared to death to feel the baby move or see the movements from the outside. As I sit and type this my laptop is hopping all over from being kicked by LO. I couldn't imagine going a day without feeling LO kick, punch and twirl all day long. LO has been very active since the get go, almost like he/she knew I had a huge fear and they were going to help me get over it quickly. The ladies at my doctors office beg to do the doppler since LO kicks it right off the bat and then puts on a show for them. I've already got a show off!

As D day nears reality slowly sets in. I like to set some time aside each week to just imagine me holding my own baby. It was such a dream and slowly my brain is accepting it as a reality.
I've gotten a great jump start on the nursery and I was able to get out Memorial day weekend and found loads of baby clothes perfect for us. I did my first load of baby clothes wash last week, that was a very neat feeling. Sitting on the couch folding and sorting onesie's almost had me in tears and grinning like a fool. This really is happening!!!
I've begun cooking and freezing meals for our homecoming with LO. I've got plans for 14 meals so we'll be covered in case someone stays for dinner and we can save money by avoiding buying take out. Eating a healthy meal is also good for healing. It feels good to be preparing, makes me feel confident and prepared. Next I will be slowly going thru my lists and purchasing things on my "to do" lists. You never know when baby is going to make his/her appearance so I figure better safe than sorry.

I'll be posting frequently now so I hope others can join me and offer support and wisdom. Thanks for reading!

19 weeks and counting

I just realized that I have slacked significantly with my blogging. We will be reaching 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow, phew!! Never in my lifetime did I imagine that I'd ever say that....feels darn good.

I have to admit that the first trimester was a bit of pain, literally. My nausea didn't lighten up until a couple weeks ago. I've had every pregnancy symptom but none have discouraged me so far. When you try so hard for so long it's amazing what you'll put up with and ignore. Everyone told me how much I'd hate being pregnant and so far I don't have any complaints. Keeping busy has really helped me out. I'd like to go on record for still not taking one single nap. I've never been able to nap so unless I'm going to fall done exhausted I don't see that happening anytime soon.

We did raise hell when we let our families know that we wouldn't be sharing the gender of our baby. We actually told our families we wouldn't be finding out so they wouldn't get too ticked. Everyone has been kind of arrogant about what gender they want and I got very protective. I didn't think it fair for our baby to be categorized as a certain sex and not just a great baby. My side has only girl grand babies and DH side has only boy grand babies so you can imagine the pull each side is making and voicing. The second we announced our decision to not share the gender everyone cooled their jets. It was a load off of my ever growing chest and I had a good cry when it was over :) We go in April 5th for our gender ultrasound. I don't care what gender he/she is, still can't believe we got this far.

Now onto the fun stuff! I've felt the baby "quickening" since 11 weeks along, also felt 1 big somersault. But within the past few weeks I can feel the little one moving all the time. Kicks, jabs, rolls, stretching and whatever else he/she feels like doing. One of my girlfriends borrowed us her doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was fine without it but I was sure it would help DH feel more "involved" so I brought it home. So far I'm the only one that can find it, hehe. The second day we had it DH decided he wasn't going to stop until he heard the heartbeat, I think I won an award for patience that day. Well, the baby got sick on the intrusion and actually kicked the doppler!! It made a huge noise and I felt it very strongly, super weird. Had my hand been there instead I would have felt the movement on the outside too. What an experience!

My cravings have been quite strong but nothing too unhealthy so far. For some reason I've wanted to go out to eat rather than cook at home. I really enjoy cooking so this was a new one for me. I'm actually waiting for my Mom right now so I can take her out to lunch for some Chinese :)
I'm enjoying every minute, feels good not to be spending all my time in the bathroom. Even then I enjoyed the feeling and rode the emotional waves. Imagining holding our baby for the first time makes me cry and still feels surreal. What an amazing experience!